Went for what i think was a four mile walk today... after having fallen off my diet for a few days... didnt walk yesterday because i woke up to late... today i actually woke up around six, and went for a walk... When i was walking, this song was the first song that came on when i started up my Ipod... its kind of ironic, because it was the same song that was playing when a storm was brewing inside someone elses head last nite during a drive after a misunderstanding had started that got pretty ugly and hurtful by someone i consider a friend... that were using their words to be all HIGH & MIGHTY, but not in the good way...
as i was doing my walk, the air was so fresh and it gave me time to think, while the song was playing... about what it is that I am trying to do with my life... where I'm going? you know those big questions that you can't always come up with an answer with because the concept is to far reaching? and what does all this have to do with the song, High & Mighty by Cyndi Lauper? I bet your confused at the moment, but let me enlighten you...
last nite, my friend/roommate came home from work, and i had asked him if he wanted to go eat, and go to target, my treat... well that was at six thirty... his answer, im not hungry, we don't need anything at target... ok, so the nite proceeded... i was kinda hungry cuz all i had ate all day was toast and a self serve portion of Macaroni and cheese...
so we proceeded to smoke, to work up the munchies, and every so often, i kept bringing up food... well finally sometime after 8 we decided that we were going to go to Chipotle...
by the time we got there and ordered, and i paid for my food, in my highness, i had forgotten that I was going to pay for his, he asked me if i was gonna pay for his, and i said, i hadnt planned on it... obviously forgetting what i had said earlier... so he paid for his and then said something, in which i couldn't hear as he walked out the door, i couldnt tell what he said due to the loudness and echos of the building... but i could tell he said something smartass...
so we got in the car and were driving home, asked a question, got my head bit off basically with a smart ass answer because my question did not come out properly about the art institute... so i just turned up the music, and low and behold... it was Cyndi's High and Mighty... so below, I have enclosed the words to the song and below and how it relates to me and this on so many levels, below each set of lyrics i am enclosing how it relates...
Listen to the sound when ya...
Living high and mighty
Living high and mighty
Living high and mighty yea yea yea yea...
How do you see yourself inside your mind?
Do you ever catch yourself step out of time?
If I had a dollar every time I tried
I'd be living high and mighty
inside my mind i see myself as a little confused about life, a little messed up, unsure about the state of the world and where my place is in the world. Do i ever catch myself stepping out of time? All the time. And I feel that sometimes I can do it successfully, which i don't know if other people can be envious of that, and yeah, to bad i can't get paid for every time i have tried, if i were, i would be HIGH & MIGHTY... The world has gone to hell in a handbasket and it is all very depressing... i know im depressed, and i need to come out of it... and i thought i could do it through my mind... little by little... , hey I did quit smoking cigarettes on December 22nd... a friend of my friends did a palm reading on me at a restarant and one of the profounding things that she said was "You don't like change"... it was scarry, i just met this woman and she was reading me like a book... me not liking change was part of the conversation that we were having last nite during our heated hurtful conversation.... will tell more about that later... back to high and mighty...
How do you see yourself inside your mind? ??? thats to you
Who do you look at when you close your eyes? ??? thats to you as well...
If I had a dollar every time I cried,
I'd be living high and mighty, yes yes yes...
Again, if i got paid for my tears, whether they were for tramatic events in my life, concerning death, destruction, loss, regret, and loosing you best friend in the whole wide world... the tears add up and i would be so rich, sometimes just being able to cry and let it all out is so freeing and rejuvenating... but i really don't want to do it out of loss for somebody real... it hurts to much and that pain will always be inside somewhere, althought after time its not as intense, no matter how much you try to escape it, its buried in there and memories can make the pain echo inside your mind, and the tears can start flowing, how can i stop the tears? By escaping the realities of life and what a big shit pile it can be sometimes.
Living high and mighty
Living high and mighty
Living high and mighty, ma my, my mind, my mind ...
my mind, my mind... you really don't want inside of it do you, its scarry enough for me...
Then I guess it wouldn't be so bad without you,
Wouldn't even mind the things that you do
Wouldn't walk away all steamy, cool
I'd be living high and mighty yea yea yea
Steamy, Cool? hmmm, at least when i walk away, you know im pissed, and for a good reason, not because someone is high and forgot... maybe if it hadnt been an hour and a half later, and i was sober, the thought would have been clear... kick a gurl during her escape time... gee thanks... and when you kick, you like to kick the livin shit out of people with your eloquent words... sorry i was so high and couldnt really defend myself against your battery of questions on what i wanted to do with my life right there at the moment, that question is far to perplexing for a moment like that... forgive me for being a dumbass...
Living high and mighty
Living high and mighty
Living high and mighty yea yea yea yea...
Living... ma my mind, my mind, my
the way you were talking to me, it did seem like you were the high and mighty one as you kept kicking me for not improving my life, sorry we don't hold improving our life on the same regards... yes i quit smoking, and yes last week I did start a diet, and this week i had fallen off for a few days... but i had every intention of getting back on it... im serious about wanting to get this weight off so that i can start feeling good about myself, to look at myself in the mirror and be happy with who i see, without having to apply the makeup with a spakle and throw on the blond wig... you know what, not only have i quit smoking, and started a diet that im going to win on, and get this weight off... in this past five months, i have been actually working on my goal... sorry i couldnt answer that for you last nite in my highness, but thanks to you, you have gotten me a video camera, in which I have used the footage to get connie out there in the public consciousness... it may not be out on a stage just yet, but it is getting me out there so hopefully... someone will stumble upon it... and realize a goldmine when they see it... in me... but until that happens... i guess i gotta keep trudging away at it... you know what my all time dream is? one that i have had since i was a little kid? to be famous... yeah, having to work with what i currently have, its a stretch, and thats why when you ask me that question, what do i wanna do with my life, i really don't have an answer that would seem to be something that would be in reach for most people... but its what i want... so if i have to have a day job, while trying to approach my dream, thats what i gotta do... i wanna make the world laugh, escape for a moment from the current state of the world in which we live...
Listen to the sound when ya...
I keep a coat rack by my bed
Up against your closet and next to my head
Didn't mean to trap your cloths
Keep the door blocked, closed
So you can't get in and I can't get out
Sink into my pillow and dream what it's about
My Mind... do you really want inside? it sucks im stuck inside... i would trade it sometimes if i could... its never been the best for remembering, but its all I got...
To be living high and mighty
To be living high and mighty, yea yea yea
get off your high horse and come inside... if you dare...
Ma my, my mind, my mind...
Living high and mighty
I' d be living high and mighty
And keep the door blocked closed
My, my, my,
Yea, yea, yea
understand yet? or more confused? Welcome to my world... how do you explain to someone that you wanna be famous without them laughing at you? that is the goal that i have always had... and have stumbled many times... but you have been helping me to obtain that... look at when we seen Ajia, she knew me as the crazy bitch... but at least she knew me... otherwise, she might have not remembered me because im all meek and quite and insecure... maybe that's cuz im fat, and that makes me insecure about myself... i am going to change, and its because i have wanted to do this for me... sorry if you feel that i haven't been a friend to you... sorry i forgot i said my treat, or that im not doing anything with my life... but arguing with you is pointless... because you seem to be perfect, so that gives you the right to judge other people... i don't judge you, and i don't sit there and try to point out all of your faults to you... because its not my place... its your life to live, and not mine to run...
